Making progress in life is exciting.
You’re on your path, you’re full of life, pride and energy.
You FEEL good and sometimes this can be a problem.
This feel-good feeling can prevent you from making REAL progress, instead keeping you in a situation whereby you’re pretending.
You’re constantly planning to start that business, start a new gym routine or cultivate new habits.
However, you need to be sure right? No point starting off on the wrong foot?
So I challenge you today, are you making progress or faking progress?
Just because you’re writing notes, making plans and can visualise how your life will be different, it doesn’t make it so.
If all this sounds readily familiar it’s time to stop spinning your wheels and living a lie.
Just because you’ve invested time and effort into something it doesn’t mean you’re making progress.
Social Outcast to Supermarket Seduction…
In my late teens, I was a complete social introvert without any friends. I remember one night very clearly. I was sat at home in front of my computer, aimlessly flicking around the internet when it dawned on me.
I was 18 years old, I had no friends, never had a girlfriend and was stuck in on a Saturday night when plenty of people were out living life, meeting girls and having fun.
Instead of dwelling on my plight and difficulties I did 2 things to change my circumstances.
I started researching online how to make friends, how to meet girls, how to flirt etc.
I started working at a very busy general store to force myself into interactions with people. I vowed this would not only be the place that would enable me to get comfortable with interacting with anyone and everyone very quickly but could also be a playground to experiment and test out different social ideas and theories.
At that point in my life even saying hello to someone had become difficult…
So, like a baby learning to crawl I started off small, as small as you can imagine.
I made the commitment one day to simply say hello to every single customer.
That was it, a simple task, that filled me with dread. I didn’t need to say anymore, a simple Hi or Hello would suffice.
Every time someone stepped up to the counter I was nervous, worried what people would think, concerned I’d sound stupid, scared they were judging me and so many other defeatist beliefs. I had to FORCE myself to utter that single word. The sheer willpower to speak a single syllable, the effort was enormous.
But I did it, I said hi to EVERY person who came in that day. I was exhausted but filled with pride, I had done it, something that seemed impossible and difficult. I went home on a high, only to remember I had to do it ALL over again the next day…..
To cut a long story short my social skills rapidly advanced to the point where I was comfortable speaking to ANYONE, I was getting phone numbers across the counter from girls I’d just met, I would serve someone and by the time they left, have them inviting me over to their house party that evening, I would meet strangers out and about who recognised me and paid for my drinks.
I was then able to very quickly take these small wins and boosts of confidence to meeting girls, going out for the night and sparking up conversations with strangers was NORMAL, I had conditioned myself so that my automatic response was to engage with new people, to engage, to challenge, to joke and to connect.
WHY DID I SUCCEED?
I researched and planned alongside taking action on the principles I was learning.
I would read new principles on social situations or flirting tactics and test them in my day job or out and about at night. I would test whether something worked or not. If it did I kept it, if it didn’t I threw it away or tweaked it to make it my own. I wanted to understand why something worked and something didn’t and the only way of knowing was to go and IMPLEMENT.
I didn’t sit at home planning set conversations or working out a strategy for bringing new people into my life. I learnt one or two small pieces of information and started to use them, test them, see what the feedback was and then adjust my course. From these small wins I got a sense of confidence and was able to use this momentum to rapidly accelerate my skills and learning.
Are you a KEYBOARD JOCKEY?
Throughout this process, I also met other guys who wanted to improve socially and meet more women. Whilst a number were proactive there were a few individuals who simply loved to read and hear about this stuff. Myself and friends would take them out, interact with people, show them how to meet women etc and they made one or two attempts here and there but nothing concrete, no real progress.
They would go home and study other methods to meet girls, read others stories and watch videos. These guys could spout all the theory. To discuss with them you would get the impression they were experts. When in actual fact when it came to the practicalities of meeting and attracting women they were clueless.
I see this time and time again in personal development Business, Dating and many other areas of life.
We used to call these guys keyboard jockeys.
They knew all the theory, they talked a good game, but they never made any progress. All the reading and “social skills” they had learned and developed counted for nothing in the real world.
Are you faking or making progress?
Faking – Reading about meditation, thinking of all the great benefits it will bring to your life, reading all the different kinds and ways to meditate to find the best one.
Making – 3-5 minutes, every day, no matter what, breathe in, breathe out, focus on your breath and bring yourself back to it when other thoughts arise. Starting to build that habit.
Faking – Working out the best training plan, putting together your split, ensuring your days complement each other whilst hitting each body part.
Making – Hitting the gym and tackling one major movement each session. Squat, Deadlit, Bench Press, Row, Pullup, Overhead press.
Faking – Reading blog after blog numerous self-development books and knowing the theory.
Making – Starting a journal to keep yourself accountable and taking action EVERY DAY!
This is a call to action for you to start looking at your results and the processes you are implementing to get there. If you’re reading about creating a better social circle yert never leave the house then no amount of visualising or positive thinking will ever make that a reality.